Your Girl!

Dear Carter,

 

Wow, you are so lucky baby boy!  You have a sister that loves you with all of her heart.  I used to worry that she would forget you because she was so young, but she hasn't seemed to at all.  In fact, she talks about you all.the.time.  She draws you pictures all.the.time. And so, whenever she has a chance to do something for her baby brother, this girl is all over it!

 

 

Jovie decided that she wanted to do her tree in the theme of birds.  After yesterday's story, I'm sure that you understand why.  Birds have a very special meaning to your girl.

She decorated every inch of this tree.  I only helped by wiring on the ornaments...she was adament that the birds had to be equally spread out, and even the star had a lot of thought put into it.  She thought that it looked like a little birdie had put it together.  So sweet!

 

Here is the final product.  It turned out simply perfect!

 And of course since we only had a short time with this tree, we took a LOT of pictures to remember it.  I can't believe how big she is getting.

 We even took an impromptu picture of the Beefcake.

 

Good job Jovie Jo.  We are so proud of you, and your love for your baby brother!

Three Little Birds

             Last summer, we were surprised to find a couple of very odd birds hanging out right by our driveway.  Every time somebody would walk by them on the sidewalk, the birds would run away and act as though their wings were broken.  After a bit of research, we realized that these birds were called Killdeer, and they use this act to entice you away from their eggs.  These birds will put on a crazy show to get the predator away from their nest.  If only they were smart enough to not lay their eggs in such a vulnerable spot. Like the middle of our parkway.

                Our kids became attached the birds quickly, and named them Popcorn and Polly.  We would watch out the window as the birds would take turns keeping their eggs warm.  At one point we watched as one sat in the hail and rain to protect the eggs.  It was quite the show of parenthood that left me impressed, and wanting to somehow build a shelter to protect them even more.  Of course, we could only sit back and watch nature take its course.

                Over the period of about a month we kept a watchful eye on the Killdeer’s four little eggs, and we anticipated the day when they would finally hatch. Unfortunately, the day came when we found the eggs destroyed and the parents screeching over the loss of their babies.  It was a moment that I won’t soon forget. With each screech I wanted to somehow convey to the little Killdeer birds that I knew their pain. That I know what it’s like to lose a child, but of course it is silly to try and tell that to a bird.

                With that experience not far from my mind, I was a bit disappointed when this spring we found a Robin’s nest in our hanging planter by our front door.  I couldn’t even fathom having to go through that experience again, and hoped beyond all hopes that these little birdies would make it.  One of the major worries was that this particular hanging planter would typically fall if the wind blew too hard. With each storm we would watch with worry as the planter would sway back and forth, but would somehow hold strong. Finally, one day those little eggs hatched, and not long after that we could see the babies’ heads poking out on top of the nest.

                Several weeks later we came home from a vacation to find the babies perched on the top of their nest.  They stretched their wings, and looked around nervously. Finally, they were startled and jumped out of the only place they had ever known.  They hopped and flew, hopped and flew until  they got the hang of it. At that moment, we knew that at least for now, they had made it.  We knew that even though sometimes things don’t work out the first time, there is always hope for the second time.   We learned that with those bad things, hope can show up unexpectedly.  It can even show up on your doorstep.

The Third Christmas

Dear Carter Jay,

 

It seems as though the days are just flying by!  Your brother and sister are growing so fast, and with each and every day that goes by, I realize that it makes it that much longer since I last held you in my arms.

 

It occurred to me today that this is the third Christmas without you.

 

It  occurred to me that it seem so, SO unfair that I only got to share one of these special holidays with you.

 

It occurred to me that it is time to put your special little Christmas tree in your vase at your grave,and it just seems wrong.....because we should be setting it up in your room for you to see.

 

I just can't believe that it has been that long, and I miss you more every.single.day.

 

BUT with those feelings also comes the realization that you MUST be so much happier where you are.  That you can move around without wires and tubes, and that you get to spend these holidays with Jesus......how cool is that?

 

I can't even imagine.

 

 

One of the ways that we keep you alive during the holidays, is by decorating and donating a tree to The Festival Of Trees in your memory.  The amazing thing about this festival, is that typically every.single.tree is done in memory of somebody, and most of the time it is a child.  While we are at the festival, we can just look around and feel not so alone in our journey.

 

Everyone there is missing someone as much as we miss you.

 

I have so much more to tell you about the festival, but for tonight I just wanted to say Merry Christmas to my baby boy.  We love you so very much.

Montana

Dear Carter,

 

I'm going a little backwards here on my journaling, so bear with me while I catch up ..... yet again!

 

In August, we took a trip to Montana to visit Grandma Mary and Aunt Patti.  We started out early in the morning, and were lucky enough to catch this sunrise somewhere over Idaho.  It made me think of you as always.

 

After our drive, we got there just in time to enjoy a late lunch/early dinner.  I LOVE this picture :)

 Then we took a trip over to Grandma's where Mikey and Jovie had a blast teaching Grandma how to use an iPad.  She loved the Talking Tom app and kept on laughing even harder every time the cat repeated what she said which caused a big cycle of Grandma chuckling, the cat chuckling, Grandma and the kids chuckling harder, the cat chuckling harder...you get the picture.  I think this is probably the time that your brother and sister will remember most from the trip.

 Your brother and sister also liked playing some chess in the hotel lobby.  So cute!

 The next day we got to go on a little outing with Grandma, Aunt Patti, and Cousins Landyn and Erin.  Your brother and sister thought that is bumpy tree was pretty cool.

 On our last night there, we brought Grandma back to the hotel to watch your brother and sister swim in the pool.  We had such a nice time with our family, and look forward to the day when we get to make the trip again.

I just know that you were there too!

The Hesitation

Dear Carter,

It's been awhile since I wrote, but here I go again on another blogging streak.  Once I stopped working, and the kids' started school, I thought for sure that I would have plenty of time to catch up on all of this kind of stuff...but wouldn't you know it?? My time got filled up with other things. 

The good thing about it is that you would think that it would keep my mind off of you, but instead it seems as though my time has been filled with all things you.  Which has a certain kind of awesomeness to it, and I'm absolutely loving it.  We got some very exciting news about a new project we are taking on for you, but I'm not quite ready to tell you about it until there are some loose ends tied up...let me just say that I'm truly believing that it was no accident that the funding for my job fell through because I am going to be pretty dang busy!

I still need to catch you up on all of the fun things that have been going on around here, but I thought that today I'd just speak my heart.  I am going to be completely honest right now and say that I've been quite worried about this guy right here.

He has had quite a lot of moments of losing his temper ever since he started third grade.  I don't blame the teacher at.all.  I think it's more like the some of the other kids in his class rubbing on his nerves the wrong way, and him not being able to handle it well.

Now, when people think of your brother, I don't want them to think of the kid who freaks out at the drop of the hat.  I want them to see him as the kind young man that I see.  The one who is constantly making sure that his dogs are fed, that his sister is walked to and from the school building, and the one who is always, ALWAYS giving his momma extra hugs when he can tell that she needs them. I want that sweet little boy to shine through, but the truth is....he doesn't always.  He has his faults too.

Lately I've had to have a few talks with him about his temper, and after changing a few things in our routine, we have all noticed a BIG improvement.  I can see that he's working hard to control himself and I'm proud of him for doing so well. BUT when I noticed that he was struggling, I couldn't help but think that it has something to do with all of the things he has had to endure in his young life.Your brother and sister have gone through so much more than any kid should have to.  They have felt the loss of their baby brother, and it has certainly shaped who they are today.  Some of it has probably given them scars that I don't like to think about, but in other ways I think it has made them better people.

I am shown this every day when I drop them off at school.  Without fail, Mikey will shut the car door behind his sister, and take a few steps away before turning around to run back to the car and tell me that he loves me one last time. This is the kind of person that you have shaped him into.  The kind that wants to be sure that the people he loves know it.

While he and I were reading the other day, he stopped in the middle of the page and told me that he really wants to do his own tree for you this year.  So, that's exactly what he's doing.  He and Jovie are no longer doing a combined tree for you, but instead, each is doing a three foot tree.  Mikey's theme is The Grinch, and Jovie's is still birds.  I can't be more proud of your brother and sister right now.  They love you so much cutie pie.