The Hesitation

Dear Carter,

It's been awhile since I wrote, but here I go again on another blogging streak.  Once I stopped working, and the kids' started school, I thought for sure that I would have plenty of time to catch up on all of this kind of stuff...but wouldn't you know it?? My time got filled up with other things. 

The good thing about it is that you would think that it would keep my mind off of you, but instead it seems as though my time has been filled with all things you.  Which has a certain kind of awesomeness to it, and I'm absolutely loving it.  We got some very exciting news about a new project we are taking on for you, but I'm not quite ready to tell you about it until there are some loose ends tied up...let me just say that I'm truly believing that it was no accident that the funding for my job fell through because I am going to be pretty dang busy!

I still need to catch you up on all of the fun things that have been going on around here, but I thought that today I'd just speak my heart.  I am going to be completely honest right now and say that I've been quite worried about this guy right here.

He has had quite a lot of moments of losing his temper ever since he started third grade.  I don't blame the teacher at.all.  I think it's more like the some of the other kids in his class rubbing on his nerves the wrong way, and him not being able to handle it well.

Now, when people think of your brother, I don't want them to think of the kid who freaks out at the drop of the hat.  I want them to see him as the kind young man that I see.  The one who is constantly making sure that his dogs are fed, that his sister is walked to and from the school building, and the one who is always, ALWAYS giving his momma extra hugs when he can tell that she needs them. I want that sweet little boy to shine through, but the truth is....he doesn't always.  He has his faults too.

Lately I've had to have a few talks with him about his temper, and after changing a few things in our routine, we have all noticed a BIG improvement.  I can see that he's working hard to control himself and I'm proud of him for doing so well. BUT when I noticed that he was struggling, I couldn't help but think that it has something to do with all of the things he has had to endure in his young life.Your brother and sister have gone through so much more than any kid should have to.  They have felt the loss of their baby brother, and it has certainly shaped who they are today.  Some of it has probably given them scars that I don't like to think about, but in other ways I think it has made them better people.

I am shown this every day when I drop them off at school.  Without fail, Mikey will shut the car door behind his sister, and take a few steps away before turning around to run back to the car and tell me that he loves me one last time. This is the kind of person that you have shaped him into.  The kind that wants to be sure that the people he loves know it.

While he and I were reading the other day, he stopped in the middle of the page and told me that he really wants to do his own tree for you this year.  So, that's exactly what he's doing.  He and Jovie are no longer doing a combined tree for you, but instead, each is doing a three foot tree.  Mikey's theme is The Grinch, and Jovie's is still birds.  I can't be more proud of your brother and sister right now.  They love you so much cutie pie.