April 27, 2011
Today was emotional in our house.
I took Ajax to the vet this morning, and after an X-Ray they found that he had a bladder stone that was the size of a marble! The only way to fix this was with surgery.
Although he's a dog, and the circumstances are completely different, it brought back a lot of feelings. It was hard letting them take him away from me, and I'll admit it...I left in tears.
I'm sure that medical things like this will always get to me in some way. It's just part of living a life after losing a medically fragile child.
Ajax came through the surgery with only a few minor complications, and is now home resting in his kennel. I would love to let him cuddle in bed with me, but I'm pretty sure that Brutus would try wrestling with him all night long. I'll be taking good care of him, and hopefully he'll be back to his lazy self in no time.
I've been watching a lot of videos of you the last couple of days. I have felt like some of my memories of you have faded a bit, and the thought of that terrifies me. I'm so happy that I have the videos to remind me of what your little laugh sounded like. I love you sweetie pie.
I'm continuing on with the alphabet challenge, and I know that this just seems like a crazy title but hang with me...I'm just trying to kill two birds with one stone here.
As for the patience.
It is something that I definitely don't have enough of. I think that most mommies feel this way. Like you don't ever want to lose your cool with certain situations in your life, but sometimes...SOMETIMES you finally get to the end of your rope.
Lately I've had more and more of those days when I feel overwhelmed with the reality that I won't ever EVER see you again in this lifetime. I'm sure that it has to do with all of the "firsts" we've gone through in the last few months. Although I know that life in this world is only a sentence in our whole book, most of the time it doesn't feel that way. The only thing I can do is pray to God to give me the patience I need.
The patience to accept that our hearts will always have a piece missing. The piece that you carried with you to Heaven.
Now when I think about our journey together, I realize that your entire life was almost like a test of patience for me. It was stretching my patience...getting it ready for the trials that were to come. All of that time spent waiting for you to get out of the NICU, then smile, then gain head control, then grab objects were just little exercises to teach me that with enough patience I would finally see the reward at the end of the trial.
And in this case, that reward couldn't be greater. I will continue to do my best to have patience.
OK, so now onto a COMPLETELY different subject. Pee.
A couple of weeks ago, after my chasing of Brutus around the neighbor's car while the brand new neighbors watched me run in circles, and the other neighbor held back her huge German Shephard from eating Brutus...we noticed that Ajax had a little issue with his pee.
I called the vet, and they told me to bring him in the next morning. They also wanted me to bring in a urine sample. After scratching my head for a few moments, I asked them how in the world I was going to manage that? They suggested that I use a soup ladle to catch it. After informing your Daddy of this situation, he asked if he could take a day off of work to film my attempt at this...I politely declined.
The whole process went better than expected, and we were off with the sample in tow. After he was checked out, it was decided that he had a bladder infection. He was put on antibiotics and sent home. Ajax was doing well after a couple of days, so I figured we had gotten over this, but over the weekend he started acting funny again. I'm taking him back into the vet in the morning, and they are going to do an X-Ray. The doctor thinks that he probably has bladder stones which will require surgery. I'm really hoping and praying that we don't have to go that route. You'd think I'd be used to all of the medical stuff by now, but this one is a new one for me.
April 26, 2011
Easter has always been your holiday in my mind. I don't know if it's because we got two of them with you...if it's because it was your first holiday, or if it's because I know that you wouldn't be in Heaven without Easter. I really wish that you could have joined in on the festivities, but I know that in a way you were there with us.
On Saturday, we took your brother and sister to the Easter egg hunt at the church.Awww, look at Jovie leaning in on her brother. Once the whistle blew, they were off on their own separate ways. They gathered up a haul. Afterward, we had your grandparents and our friend all over for a pre-Easter meal. The kids had a great time roasting marshmallows with Daddy and Grandpa.
April 25, 2011
April 24, 2011
I'll post pictures from our crazy busy weekend tomorrow, but for today I thought I'd have a little fun and enter a photo of the mini beefcake into a pet photography challenge over at
So, here is the little guy doing his famous head tilt.
I can't tell you how healing this little puppy has been for me. He's just so sweet and cuddly (OK....OK, maybe he's only cuddly when he's tired, but still..). He certainly keeps me busy, and makes me laugh all.the.time. If you've never owned a Pug before, let me tell you....they are in a league all their own.I find it incredibly ironic that he has a small birth defect (an umbilical hernia) which will have to be corrected with surgery, AND that the vet was sure to point out that Pugs have very small tracheas.
Oh my! Did we pick the right dog for our family, or what?!?!
April 23, 2011
Jovie has been obsessed with mastering the Hula Hoop ever since she got one for Christmas. She has gotten very good at it, and has even learned a few new tricks like walking around while doing the hula, and using two at one time.
We had a family dinner tonight, and Jovie decided to show off some more of her hula skills.
Yes, those are two hula hoops, and Yes, that is Indiana Jones on the TV (now you're going to have that theme song stuck in your head all.night.long. Da Da Da Daaaaaa Da Da Da)
Then Jovie took it a step further, and tried to teach Grandma and Grandpa how to do the hula.I'm not sure that they'll be winning any contests soon, but they sure are good sports for trying! We love you Nana and Papa!
I read somewhere that somebody had the brilliant idea to change the name of Easter eggs to Spring Spheres. That's a major fail in my book, but to each his own I guess.
Today we colored Easter eggs. This is Jovie's favorite part of Easter, and she took it very seriously. She was especially excited since Daddy bought her a fancy coloring kit complete with foil, glitter, and beads. Here she is toward the end. Yes, those are tearstained cheeks....she accidentally dropped an egg she made for you, and it broke. Don't worry baby boy, we were able to salvage it. Brutus somehow joined in on the fun. Oh, that doggy!
April 22, 2011
Today is Good Friday, and there is something that has been heavy on my heart all day.
As much as this day is so obviously completely about Jesus and how this was the beginning of our salvation, I can't help but imagine what things must have been like for Mary as she watched her son suffer.
It sucks to say that I can relate. I hate that I can relate, but I think that in a small way I can.
I can't help but question what must have been going through her mind...
In the beginning of His Passion, did she pray to God that he would just take Jesus right off of that cross and let him live...that she might hug him one more time?
But as time went on, and he cried out in pain, did she pray...and beg...and plead for God to take her son just to end his suffering?
And as he took his last breath, did she praise God?
Obviously I don't know what went through her mind on the day of Jesus' death, but I know that as a mother who has lost a son...I went through all of these emotions.
I knew that I would most likely have to face the day when I would bury you. I pleaded with God to let you live so I could spend more time with you. But then as I watched you struggle to breathe, I begged God to take you to end your suffering. And as you took your last breath, I praised God and thanked Him for healing my baby.
So, these are the types of things that have been on my mind today...because...well, that's just the way that my crazy mind works. This has been the kind of day when it feels good to just sit and contemplate these things. To be thankful to God for a day like Good Friday, and to anticipate the resurrection of Jesus.
April 21, 2011
Well, I think that your blog is finally looking the way I wanted it to. There are a few more changes I'd like to make, but none of those will do us any good if I don't post more often.
I'm trying to remember where I left off on my alphabet challenge. I think that it's time for the letter "O"...if not, well then...that's too bad because that's where I'm starting again.
O is for One.
It seems like a simple word, but to me it holds so much meaning.
This word that symbolizes so many things in your short little life. More than I know I can think to list right now.
You only had one birthday.
We only got one of each holiday with you at home.
You were only one year old.
There were so many things that we only got to do one time together.
In one moment you were here, and in the next you were in Heaven.
One. It just doesn't seem like enough. I wanted one hundred of those moments,
but I only got one.
And really, honestly, I'm thankful for those "ones", but I really REALLY wish that we would have had one hundred of them.
Love you and miss you baby boy.
There really isn't much going on around here right now. Just gearing up for our new favorite holiday, Easter, and starting to get anxious for the Summer to come along with it's bright sunshine.
As I promised, I do have some new posts coming up. It's just taking me a little longer than I expected to get the blog the way I want it to look. MAYBE by tonight I'll have it looking all nice and spiffy.
I love you Bubba J. I hope that you like the Easter decorations we put out on your grave.
April 19, 2011
I'm working on a few changes on the blog, so please excuse the mess around here. I should have it all fixed up by tomorrow afternoon. I like to freshen it up a bit every now and then. I'm working on a couple of new posts too, so expect a lot of updates in the next week. I'm so sorry that I've been neglecting your blog. I promise I'm getting it all back on track now. I love you my little sweetie pie. Praying I might dream of you tonight!
April 12, 2011
April 10, 2011
April 9, 2011
April 1, 2011
So, I'll admit that this is WAY out of my comfort zone BUT I've been asked by a lot of people to share a video of the speech I gave during the Operation Smile 5K and 1 mile walk. I had so much more that I wanted to say, but the nerves just got the best of me! So, here it is!
We would like to thank Rusty at Sidewinder Media for filming this for us.