November 29, 2012

The Third Christmas

Dear Carter Jay,
It seems as though the days are just flying by!  Your brother and sister are growing so fast, and with each and every day that goes by, I realize that it makes it that much longer since I last held you in my arms.
It occurred to me today that this is the third Christmas without you.
It  occurred to me that it seem so, SO unfair that I only got to share one of these special holidays with you.
It occurred to me that it is time to put your special little Christmas tree in your vase at your grave,and it just seems wrong.....because we should be setting it up in your room for you to see.
I just can't believe that it has been that long, and I miss you more
BUT with those feelings also comes the realization that you MUST be so much happier where you are.  That you can move around without wires and tubes, and that you get to spend these holidays with cool is that?
I can't even imagine.
One of the ways that we keep you alive during the holidays, is by decorating and donating a tree to The Festival Of Trees in your memory.  The amazing thing about this festival, is that typically every.single.tree is done in memory of somebody, and most of the time it is a child.  While we are at the festival, we can just look around and feel not so alone in our journey.
Everyone there is missing someone as much as we miss you.
I have so much more to tell you about the festival, but for tonight I just wanted to say Merry Christmas to my baby boy.  We love you so very much.

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