August 21, 2010

Michael Allen

Video Game Expert.
Smart As A Whip.
Full Of Energy.
Full of LIFE!
Loves To Laugh.
Big Brother.
And now....7 year old, and very soon to be 1st grader.
Seven years ago today, I was blessed to have this sweet boy enter my life.
You have had to learn a lot of things over the last 18 months that no boy should have to know. You have gone through much that has made you grow up fast, and you've handled it with grace. Now is the time, my sweet boy, to just play...have fun...and be a seven year old. We all love you, and are blessed to have you as a part of our family. We can't imagine a better big brother.
P.S. Don't forget to NEVER EVER outgrow Mommy hugs and kisses.

August 11, 2010

Roy Days 5K

Dear Carter,

We ran another 5K last weekend!
I'm so sorry, but I didn't get a group picture taken, but I did get one of cousin Emily and friend Blake because they took first place in their age divisions. How awesome is that? Team Carter is now gearing up for the next 5K. We love you baby boy, and are so proud to run in your name!

August 10, 2010

Thanksgiving Point

Dear Carter,
I took your brother and sister to Thanksgiving Point last week. You know, I'm learning that it's more and more fun to do things like this with them....mostly because I love to see the world through their eyes, and listen to what they think about these outings. While we were there, we went through the Museum of Ancient Life which was Mikey's favorite, and wouldn't you know it?! They had a prehistoric butterfly on display.
We also learned that the Monarch Butterfly is on the endangered species list. I had no idea!
Here's Mikey who's a little scared that the shark might eat him.
Jovie loved playing in the water table. She told me that she wanted to make a folcado. I wasn't sure how to make one of those, but she seemed happy with the volcano...ha!

They had a farm there too, which was by far Jovie's favorite part. We met some very nice farm animals.

This goat was so nice....he thought he'd jump right up and say Hi!

We were able to make two of Jovie's dreams come true on this little trip. First, she finally got to see a Peacock with it's tail feathers open. She still hasn't stopped talking about it. There were actually two....first a white one opened his tail, and then the colorful one followed. Jovie asked me if you made the Peacocks open their tail feathers, and I told her that you probably gave them a little nudge.

Jovie's second dream came true when she got to go on a pony ride.....twice. She looked very comfortable on that little horse, and loved every minute of it. Mikey liked it too, but he was a little more serious about it.

As Mikey would say "It was a special day". Still missing you baby boy, and loving you with every breath I take.

August 9, 2010


Dear Carter,
Your mommy just does not like to be at home during the day anymore. I love being out in the bright sunshine. It clears my mind. It makes me feel like I can breathe, and it makes me feel closer to you.
Last week, I took Mikey and Jovie to the Tracy Aviary. We had heard that this place really wasn't all that cool, but decided that since we had a free pass that it was worth a shot. Your brother and sister LOVED it. You know how they are when it comes to wildlife though, they are ALWAYS interested in animals.
Here's Jovie trying to show us how a bird flies through the air. Notice that she's carrying her trusty map....this place wasn't quite big enough to really worry about getting lost, but just like Dora, Jovie must see where we're going. Check it out! I'm getting a little better with my photography skills. I've been practicing a lot, and it's quickly becoming more of an obsession than a hobby. Even Jovie's a pretty good photographer!

Can't you tell that they really love this place?!

We saw all kinds of birds, learned about them, and even got to touch a couple of their eggs. One of Jovie's dreams for this trip was to see a real live Peacock (it's her favorite bird, you know). Her dream came true, but she was VERY disappointed that it wouldn't open it's tail for her.

We saw quite a few butterflies while we were on the trails. I tried to catch a picture of them, but they fluttered away too quickly. That's OK, we could feel you in the air with us.

August 8, 2010


Dear Carter,

The other day I was talking to an unsuspecting stranger, and she asked me how many kids I had. For the first time since I became a mommy, I had to pause and think about how to answer this question. Obviously I have three, but I really didn't want to go into the whole explanation about how I have two here and one in Heaven....not because I'm ashamed by it, but because I didn't want to get that pity look. I finally answered three, and when the person asked me the ages of you, Mikey, and Jovie, that's when I really stuttered. This was the first time that I had to figure out how exactly I'm going to answer questions like that, and it really bothered me. I know that it's just another thing that I'm going to have to get used to...another thing to get comfortable with. That's how every day is....getting used to new things, getting comfortable in a new life without you here.

If you ask Mikey and Jovie how many brothers or sisters they have, they will answer the question without hesitation. If you ask them where you are, they will answer "In Heaven" without even blinking an eye. They truly seem to be comfortable in knowing that you are watching over them...that you are in the arms of Jesus. They still miss you, and they tell me the different things that they miss about you every day, BUT they understand that even though we can no longer physically touch you...that you are most definitely still here with us. Mikey and Jovie still see you as a part of this just have a new role. You are no longer the one that we must take care of, the one that we have to be sure has Oxygen in his nose, the one that we have to take to doctor's appointments. You have become the painter of rainbows, the sender of butterflies, and the guardian angel. Somebody sent me an email with a link for a group that helps with children who are grieving. It's a link that I will most certainly hold on to, but I really think that your brother and sister are handling things quite well. For now, they are comfortable in remembering their baby brother for who he was, and who he has become. They are comfortable in just loving you, and in knowing that you love them too.

August 4, 2010


Dear Carter,

I'm so tired, but really wanted to write to you tonight. I missed you so very much know why because you were there with me. I saw that little butterfly flutter on by. Thank you, it gave me the strength I needed.

Tomorrow, I'm taking Mikey and Jovie to Thanksgiving Point. They have a huge dinosaur museum, and some sort of farm thingy. I think that I'm more excited for this outing than your brother and sister are. These days I love doing new things with them, and really listening to what they have to say about it. There is not one day that goes by where you are not brought up by Mikey, or Jovie at least once every hour, or so. They miss you too. As I was tucking Mikey in for the night, he asked if we could put some of your pictures up in his room. Of course we'll be working on that project in the next few days.

School is starting soon, and I'm scared to death to be alone. It's not a very welcome change, but I'll have to learn to deal with it. I may be spending a lot more time with you at the cemetery.

I love you. I miss you. Good night baby boy. I pray to dream of you again tonight.