The next few days were a blur. I remember that the next day I went over to the NICU early. Carter was extubated and put on a low amount of Oxygen. I remember that we were really happy about that, but he did end up back on CPAP sometime that day or the next. They did the hearing test, and the tech kept having trouble with the machinery, so we had to wait for a new machine to be brought up. When they finally had the right machine we were told that he was profoundly deaf in each ear. It wasn't until we were transferred to the children's hospital that we found out that things like Oxygen can screw with a hearing test like that. After we got the news about his hearing, I kept telling myself that I could definitely handle this. I could handle having a baby who couldn't hear...as long as he could see. I kept praying that Carter had sight. In fact, I prayed for this like crazy for weeks even though the Opthalmologist had said that he didn't see anything wrong with Carter's eyes. I also began to realize that there was a real possibility that he would have issues with his Cognitive ability. I don't know why, but this was the one area that I had a very hard time accepting. It was by far the hardest of Carter's disabilites for me to swallow, but I have a new outlook on it now. I know that he is amazing, and that he's going to do amazing things, so that's all that matters.
I changed his diaper for the first time that day too. It's funny that with my other kids I remember things like the first time I held them or the first time I gave them a bath, but with Carter I remember the first time I changed his diaper because that was pretty much all I was allowed to do while he was on CPAP.
They did the kidney ultrasound which happened to be done by the same tech who had done my prenatal ultrasound with the Perinatologist. It didn't make me trust their findings too much. The ultrasound showed that his kidneys were abnormal. Instead of having a kidney on each side of his body, he has both on his right side. There is a small one on top of a larger one. The good news is that they both work great, and we've been told by the Urologist that he has no reason to believe that they won't continue to work well, but we still get them checked every six months to be sure. The same Neonatologist was there all day and most of the night. He had softened up quite a bit since Michael had stood up to him the day before. He had called in an ENT who was absolutely WONDERFUL. He went through each of Carter's issues and explained how they could be fixed with surgery. He also told us that he thought it was possible that Carter had BOR Syndrome. This was good news to me because typically there is no cognitive disability with it. Of course we later found out that this was not what Carter had, but it still felt good to have some sort of answer.
I spent most of that night in the NICU. There were some really good nurses in there. One in particular had dealt with a lot of cleft palate babies and was very supportive and helpful. I went home the next morning even though my doctor had offered to let me stay another night. I really wanted to see Mikey and Jovie.
The next few days were just a lot of waiting. They tried feeding Carter with the Mini Haberman (a smaller version of the one below), but the nurse only put the milk into the nipple without hooking the rest of the bottle to it, so there was absolutely no way for Carter to get any milk out. I didn't know that at the time, but looking back it makes me laugh. He started having troubles digesting his food, so the decision was finally made to move him to our local children's hospital which was one hour away. We made the big move on April 1st.
Showing posts with label Our Story. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Our Story. Show all posts
January 16, 2010
January 13, 2010
The Story Continues
We sat in the post partum room and waited for the Neonatologist to come in. The NICU nurses had told us that it would be about an hour, but I think it ended up being closer to two. Slowly our families started to trickle into our room. When the doctor finally came in he was greeted by a huge group of people who were concerned about our little guy. This doctor didn't exactly have the best bedside manner.
He was one of THOSE guys.
You know the ones.
The guy who's been divorced a few times.
The one who's got a HUGE ego.
The one who is NEVER wrong.
The one who is a SUPERIOR being.
I could go on, but you get the picture.
I remember that the room seemed really dark, and I wanted somebody to turn on a light but didn't want to interrupt him. He was drinking a Diet Pepsi out of a bottle the entire conversation. He'd pause in between sentences to take a swig, and I really wanted to knock it out of his hand and yell at him to tell me what's going on with my baby.
He started by saying that he believed that Carter had come too early. He thought that he looked to be 36 weeks not almost 39 weeks. I told him that I knew that my dates were not wrong, but he didn't really care what I had to say. I don't think that he took into consideration how small Carter's umbilical cord was either. Those things were taken into consideration later. He told us that so far they had found that Carter had an incomplete cleft lip, and a cleft soft and hard palate. He had also noticed that Carter seemed to have some paralysis above his right eye. They had done an echo on his heart and it looked fine. He then said "you know, I should probably check his Kidneys too... we'll do that in the morning...it's really not a priority". This is where Michael kind of lost his cool (yay for Daddy), and asked if we should have Carter transferred to the local children's hospital. This was the point where the doctor lost some of his attitude and told us that we could if we wanted, but he thought it was best to keep Carter as close to home as possible since he was stable. He had paged an ENT and was sending Carter's Chromosomes off to the lab for testing. As he was leaving, he told me that he thought that the medication I was on for my Molar Pregnancy could have caused all of this.
Wonderful.
I let it sink in.
This was all my fault.
But wait! I hadn't taken any medication for my Molar pregnancy. What was he talking about?! He said "you were never on nameofmedicationthatIcan'tpronounce", and I said "No." He replied "Huh. Well, you can come and see him as soon as the epidural wears off." Thanks, Jacka**
He was one of THOSE guys.
You know the ones.
The guy who's been divorced a few times.
The one who's got a HUGE ego.
The one who is NEVER wrong.
The one who is a SUPERIOR being.
I could go on, but you get the picture.
I remember that the room seemed really dark, and I wanted somebody to turn on a light but didn't want to interrupt him. He was drinking a Diet Pepsi out of a bottle the entire conversation. He'd pause in between sentences to take a swig, and I really wanted to knock it out of his hand and yell at him to tell me what's going on with my baby.
He started by saying that he believed that Carter had come too early. He thought that he looked to be 36 weeks not almost 39 weeks. I told him that I knew that my dates were not wrong, but he didn't really care what I had to say. I don't think that he took into consideration how small Carter's umbilical cord was either. Those things were taken into consideration later. He told us that so far they had found that Carter had an incomplete cleft lip, and a cleft soft and hard palate. He had also noticed that Carter seemed to have some paralysis above his right eye. They had done an echo on his heart and it looked fine. He then said "you know, I should probably check his Kidneys too... we'll do that in the morning...it's really not a priority". This is where Michael kind of lost his cool (yay for Daddy), and asked if we should have Carter transferred to the local children's hospital. This was the point where the doctor lost some of his attitude and told us that we could if we wanted, but he thought it was best to keep Carter as close to home as possible since he was stable. He had paged an ENT and was sending Carter's Chromosomes off to the lab for testing. As he was leaving, he told me that he thought that the medication I was on for my Molar Pregnancy could have caused all of this.
Wonderful.
I let it sink in.
This was all my fault.
But wait! I hadn't taken any medication for my Molar pregnancy. What was he talking about?! He said "you were never on nameofmedicationthatIcan'tpronounce", and I said "No." He replied "Huh. Well, you can come and see him as soon as the epidural wears off." Thanks, Jacka**
That moment couldn't have come fast enough. The minute I could get out of the bed, we were out of there and in the NICU. They let us hold him even though he was on a vent. I kind of hate this picture of me holding him because I have a scared look on my face, and at that moment I actually felt relief that I could hold my baby boy.
Notice Carter's arms. He held them this way for the first two months. In fact, he had to wear splints to help hold his wrists straight. They broke some of the NICU rules that night and let Michael's sister and our mom's back all at once to visit the little guy. He looked so tiny in his isolette.
Needless to say, that night I didn't sleep at all. I kept praying to God and asking him if he was sure that I could handle this. I was really nervous for the next day because Carter was having a kidney ultrasound and a hearing test. Michael had gone home to be with our other kids. I have no idea how that conversation went down with the older two, but when I talked to Jovie on the phone she told me that Carter had a sick ear and a sick lip, but that he was SO cute. They were both so accepting of Carter from the very beginning...even though they didn't get to even see him until he was 10 weeks old.
January 6, 2010
The Big Day
Two days after that appointment I started having contractions. They went on throughout the night and started to get stronger and closer together. I was about 4 days shy of being 39 weeks at that point. I finally called Labor and Delivery the next morning and told them what was going on. They told me to come on in. We made our short journey there and found out that I hadn't changed all that much. I was defnitely having contractions, but I just wasn't making any progress. They kept me there for a few hours to monitor me and see if I changed. My doc came in to check me and since I still hadn't made any progress he decided to send me home. He had another very serious delivery going on that day (who happened to be a friend of ours), and didn't feel comfortable inducing me since it was against hospital policy to induce anyone under 39 weeks without a valid reason. I went home and stayed very miserable for the next two days.
When we went in to see him the next day, I still hadn't progressed much. The doctor decided that I had been put through enough and scheduled an induction for the next morning. We were so relieved that we would finally meet our baby boy.
The next day I was induced with Pitocin. The labor progressed without any troubles except at one very brief moment when Carter's heart rate dropped. After they moved me onto my side he bounced right back. I was at an 8 when the nurse called the doctor, and about 10 minutes later I was fully dilated. My babies always come really fast and with minimal pushing, so after the doc arrived I pushed maybe twice before Carter was here. The next parts are all a blur to me. In fact, it was very hard for me to even think about it for about 3-4 months. It was probably the most traumatic thing that I have been through, but in retrospect it could have been a lot worse. It just seemed like it at the moment. I had a friend there who videotaped a lot, but I still haven't been able to bring myself to watch it.
I remember Carter's head appearing, and Michael saying "Oh, he's really little". I remember that striking me funny because he was so close to term. The next thought that came to my mind was that maybe my dates had been off in the pregnancy and we shouldn't have induced him. It was all my fault for going to the hospital when my contractions had gotten so intense. Then I remember the doctor looking at me over the top of his glasses and saying "I'm sorry, but your baby has a cleft lip". I remember thinking, well that's not such a big deal. Then I remember the doctor's face turning white and him telling the nurse very sternly to call the NICU. Carter was delivered and taken to the table to be checked out. I don't remember much except that I never really heard him cry. My husband came over a few minutes later to tell me that he was missing his ear. For a brief moment, that seemed like a big deal, but a few minutes later when they started doing chest compressions none of those things mattered. They got him pretty much stable, let me kiss his forehead, and he was gone to the NICU.
We all sat silently in the delivery room. Everyone just seemed to be stunned and numb. My Mom and Mother In Law left the room to call our families to tell them what was going on. I know that they were out there crying, but didn't want us to see. I just felt so helpless. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. I should be holding my little guy right now, not wondering if he was breathing or not. The next thought that I had was that we needed to get our priest there to baptize him. My Sister In Law made the phone call, and he was there before we had even been transferred to the post partum wing. The nurse came in periodically to give us updates on Carter, but they really didn't know much. Only that he was stable, and they were still working on him. Now, I want to make it clear that for the first two or three weeks, I had those thoughts of why us, and I wish my baby was healthy. But I can honestly say that I do not feel that way AT ALL any more. I know that Carter's a blessing to our family, and I'm so happy that God chose us to be his family. I actually feel like we are some of the lucky ones because we didn't know before he was born. We would have stressed so much! I also feel like Carter's diagnosis was a lot easier to accept because this was how he was built. There is no reason to stress or pray for a cure because this is just who he is. It would be different had he been healthy and an injury or disease created problems for him. God couldn't have given us a more perfect baby.
When we went in to see him the next day, I still hadn't progressed much. The doctor decided that I had been put through enough and scheduled an induction for the next morning. We were so relieved that we would finally meet our baby boy.
The next day I was induced with Pitocin. The labor progressed without any troubles except at one very brief moment when Carter's heart rate dropped. After they moved me onto my side he bounced right back. I was at an 8 when the nurse called the doctor, and about 10 minutes later I was fully dilated. My babies always come really fast and with minimal pushing, so after the doc arrived I pushed maybe twice before Carter was here. The next parts are all a blur to me. In fact, it was very hard for me to even think about it for about 3-4 months. It was probably the most traumatic thing that I have been through, but in retrospect it could have been a lot worse. It just seemed like it at the moment. I had a friend there who videotaped a lot, but I still haven't been able to bring myself to watch it.
I remember Carter's head appearing, and Michael saying "Oh, he's really little". I remember that striking me funny because he was so close to term. The next thought that came to my mind was that maybe my dates had been off in the pregnancy and we shouldn't have induced him. It was all my fault for going to the hospital when my contractions had gotten so intense. Then I remember the doctor looking at me over the top of his glasses and saying "I'm sorry, but your baby has a cleft lip". I remember thinking, well that's not such a big deal. Then I remember the doctor's face turning white and him telling the nurse very sternly to call the NICU. Carter was delivered and taken to the table to be checked out. I don't remember much except that I never really heard him cry. My husband came over a few minutes later to tell me that he was missing his ear. For a brief moment, that seemed like a big deal, but a few minutes later when they started doing chest compressions none of those things mattered. They got him pretty much stable, let me kiss his forehead, and he was gone to the NICU.
We all sat silently in the delivery room. Everyone just seemed to be stunned and numb. My Mom and Mother In Law left the room to call our families to tell them what was going on. I know that they were out there crying, but didn't want us to see. I just felt so helpless. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. I should be holding my little guy right now, not wondering if he was breathing or not. The next thought that I had was that we needed to get our priest there to baptize him. My Sister In Law made the phone call, and he was there before we had even been transferred to the post partum wing. The nurse came in periodically to give us updates on Carter, but they really didn't know much. Only that he was stable, and they were still working on him. Now, I want to make it clear that for the first two or three weeks, I had those thoughts of why us, and I wish my baby was healthy. But I can honestly say that I do not feel that way AT ALL any more. I know that Carter's a blessing to our family, and I'm so happy that God chose us to be his family. I actually feel like we are some of the lucky ones because we didn't know before he was born. We would have stressed so much! I also feel like Carter's diagnosis was a lot easier to accept because this was how he was built. There is no reason to stress or pray for a cure because this is just who he is. It would be different had he been healthy and an injury or disease created problems for him. God couldn't have given us a more perfect baby.
On the way to Post Partum, they wheeled my bed through the NICU to see him. Here's the picture that we took while we were in there. Seriously, isn't he precious?!
He's grown so much since then. In fact, our Occupational Therapist came on Monday and said that he's never seen Carter look so good, or move around so much. We're really concentrating on rolling from tummy to back and holding his head up on his tummy. Carter's defnitely getting a lot stronger, it just takes time. He was supposed to have a routine Kidney Ultrasound this week, but we had to reschedule. That's fine by me, I'm still trying to get my kids back on the school schedule.
January 3, 2010
The Big Appointment
I can't believe that this all happened a year ago. It seems crazy. I remember it being a LONG wait between the scheduling of the Perinatologist appointment and the actual appointment. Michael had to work out of town for most of the month of December, but made a special trip home just for our appointment. We waited in the waiting room for what seemed like hours. When it was finally our turn, I remember praying the entire length of the hallway. Finally, the tech got started with the ultrasound and we saw our sweet Carter on the screen. She was able to confirm that he was a boy right away, then she went to work scanning every part of his little body. She did measurements in which he was measuring a little small, but nothing to be worried about. Once again we were told that the baby was in an awkward position, but that she would be able to get the pictures they needed....it would just take a little time. She kept going back to the same spots that the first tech did. The heart, the kidneys, the lip. The heart, the kidneys, the lip. Then it seemed as though she gave up on the lip and went for just the heart and kidneys. After a while she asked me to empty my bladder to see if that would help move Carter to a better angle. That didn't really work, so she tried prodding the wand into my stomach. Finally, she said that she felt comfortable that she had gotten everything and went to get the doctor.
We waited.
And waited.
And waited.
The knot in my stomach grew even tighter, and I thought for sure that something was most definitely wrong. The doctor came in and asked questions about my previous pregnancies. I thought to myself...".there is definitely something wrong." The doctor proceeded to scan the same areas. The heart, the kidneys, the lip. After a few moments he was ready to tell us his verdict. We heard the words "I see ABSOLUTELY nothing wrong with your baby from head to toe. There is a part of the heart that we can't quite visualize, but I'm sure that it's there....it's just that the baby is in an awkward position." I couldn't believe it. With the way the doctor had acted I though that there was most definitely something going on. He went on to explain that he no longer saw debris in the fluid and what had probably happened was that the Placenta had torn away form the wall just a tiny bit. He had checked the Placenta and it looked wonderful now. He told us that it was quite common. We were absolutely relieved, and decided to name him Carter Jay while we were in the parking lot leaving the hospital. Our baby boy was healthy. Thank you lord!
We continued on with the pregnancy like all of our other children. It wasn't until I was 37 weeks that there were more clues as to what God had in store for us. I went in for my regular checkup, and I had lost about 6 lbs. from the appointment the week before. The doc checked my Fundal height which was within normal limits, but on the smaller side. At the next appointment I had lost even more weight. The doc checked everything again, and decided that the baby had just dropped into the pelvis which was causing my belly to appear smaller. We did a non-stress test just to be sure that the baby was OK, and everything came out fine. I know that looking back on this it seems as though our doc had missed something, but really everything was just on the brink of being abnormal. I'm not angry with him at all. It's not like finding out beforehand would have changed anything except maybe a little more preparedness on our part. I've never shared this with anyone, not even Michael, but it was about that time that I started having random thoughts pop into my head like 'which would I deal better with a blind child, or a deaf child .', or 'does Carter seem like a name for a child with special needs'. It's very possible that I had these thoughts with all of my pregnancies, but they were very profound to me after our little guy arrived.
We waited.
And waited.
And waited.
The knot in my stomach grew even tighter, and I thought for sure that something was most definitely wrong. The doctor came in and asked questions about my previous pregnancies. I thought to myself...".there is definitely something wrong." The doctor proceeded to scan the same areas. The heart, the kidneys, the lip. After a few moments he was ready to tell us his verdict. We heard the words "I see ABSOLUTELY nothing wrong with your baby from head to toe. There is a part of the heart that we can't quite visualize, but I'm sure that it's there....it's just that the baby is in an awkward position." I couldn't believe it. With the way the doctor had acted I though that there was most definitely something going on. He went on to explain that he no longer saw debris in the fluid and what had probably happened was that the Placenta had torn away form the wall just a tiny bit. He had checked the Placenta and it looked wonderful now. He told us that it was quite common. We were absolutely relieved, and decided to name him Carter Jay while we were in the parking lot leaving the hospital. Our baby boy was healthy. Thank you lord!
We continued on with the pregnancy like all of our other children. It wasn't until I was 37 weeks that there were more clues as to what God had in store for us. I went in for my regular checkup, and I had lost about 6 lbs. from the appointment the week before. The doc checked my Fundal height which was within normal limits, but on the smaller side. At the next appointment I had lost even more weight. The doc checked everything again, and decided that the baby had just dropped into the pelvis which was causing my belly to appear smaller. We did a non-stress test just to be sure that the baby was OK, and everything came out fine. I know that looking back on this it seems as though our doc had missed something, but really everything was just on the brink of being abnormal. I'm not angry with him at all. It's not like finding out beforehand would have changed anything except maybe a little more preparedness on our part. I've never shared this with anyone, not even Michael, but it was about that time that I started having random thoughts pop into my head like 'which would I deal better with a blind child, or a deaf child .', or 'does Carter seem like a name for a child with special needs'. It's very possible that I had these thoughts with all of my pregnancies, but they were very profound to me after our little guy arrived.
January 2, 2010
The Pregnancy
We had decided early on that we wouldn't find out the sex of our baby. We knew that this was our last time being pregnant, and really enjoyed not finding out when we had Jovie. On the way to the ultrasound appointment, Michael and I had a change of heart. We decided that it might be better to find out so we could start talking about the baby by name to our older kids. My mom went to the appointment with us.
The tech got started and right away asked us if we would like to know the sex. We told her that we would, but she was having a very hard time giving us a definite answer. She told us that the baby was in an awkward position. She was 70% sure that it was a boy. Since we had originally planned on not finding out the sex, this didn't seem like a big deal. She went on with the ultrasound, and it seemed to take forever (this is coming from the girl with the very full bladder). The tech kept pointing out different parts of our baby, and did say a few times that the baby was being a little uncooperative. I noticed that she did seem to stay on the heart, lip, and kidneys for a long time but she never gave a clue that something was wrong. When we left the office I felt really good about things. We had pics of our baby to show the kids, and were pretty sure that it was a boy. It wasn't until we drove about a mile or two that I started to have a weird feeling. I told Michael that I thought the tech had seen something wrong. He told me that he felt that everything was fine, but if I was worried about it I should call the doc. I did just that and left a message with the nurse. The doc called me back about an hour later and told me that he saw nothing wrong on the ultrasound, but if it would make me more comfortable we should schedule an appointment with a Perinatologist. I had a regular OB visit scheduled for a few days later, so we made plans to talk about it then.
When we went to the appointment a few days later, the doc came in and told us that he had a conversation with the tech and she felt that there was possibly debris in the amniotic fluid, and she couldn't get clear pics of the heart and kidneys. The doc then proceeded to tell us that the good news was that our baby had a brain. What?! Excuse me?! The good news is that our baby has a brain? I had no idea what to make of that, but did the absolute WRONG thing when I got home and Googled "baby, brain, debris, amniotic fluid". Let's just say that it really was good news that our baby had a brain. The photos I saw on that day will haunt me for the rest of my life. The soonest that we could get into the Perinatologist was a couple of weeks away, so all we could do was wait.
The tech got started and right away asked us if we would like to know the sex. We told her that we would, but she was having a very hard time giving us a definite answer. She told us that the baby was in an awkward position. She was 70% sure that it was a boy. Since we had originally planned on not finding out the sex, this didn't seem like a big deal. She went on with the ultrasound, and it seemed to take forever (this is coming from the girl with the very full bladder). The tech kept pointing out different parts of our baby, and did say a few times that the baby was being a little uncooperative. I noticed that she did seem to stay on the heart, lip, and kidneys for a long time but she never gave a clue that something was wrong. When we left the office I felt really good about things. We had pics of our baby to show the kids, and were pretty sure that it was a boy. It wasn't until we drove about a mile or two that I started to have a weird feeling. I told Michael that I thought the tech had seen something wrong. He told me that he felt that everything was fine, but if I was worried about it I should call the doc. I did just that and left a message with the nurse. The doc called me back about an hour later and told me that he saw nothing wrong on the ultrasound, but if it would make me more comfortable we should schedule an appointment with a Perinatologist. I had a regular OB visit scheduled for a few days later, so we made plans to talk about it then.
When we went to the appointment a few days later, the doc came in and told us that he had a conversation with the tech and she felt that there was possibly debris in the amniotic fluid, and she couldn't get clear pics of the heart and kidneys. The doc then proceeded to tell us that the good news was that our baby had a brain. What?! Excuse me?! The good news is that our baby has a brain? I had no idea what to make of that, but did the absolute WRONG thing when I got home and Googled "baby, brain, debris, amniotic fluid". Let's just say that it really was good news that our baby had a brain. The photos I saw on that day will haunt me for the rest of my life. The soonest that we could get into the Perinatologist was a couple of weeks away, so all we could do was wait.
December 30, 2009
The Next Phase
Yes, I had a lot of miscarriages. Now those all seem to be explained by a chromosomal issue, but at the time it just seemed to be our cross to bear. We had testing done and everything came back normal. Yes, each one put a hole in our hearts and to think about all of our children that were never born can get to be a little overwhelming. Unfortunately, after miscarriage two or three we started to get a little numb to it. Doesn't that sound awful? It became to be almost expected. It doesn't meant that it didn't hurt, but it certainly didn't hurt as much. I believe that those losses only made us better parents and made us appreciate our children more. At least we were graced with two healthy children. There are many couples out there who never have that opportunity. I tend to always have the mindset that things could be a LOT worse.
So, there we were. Pregnant with Carter. I seriously think that I held my breath for those first three months. It seemed as though they flew by with the business of having two other kids. I knew he was a boy from the very beginning. There was absolutely no doubt in my mind. The beginning of the pregnancy was very typical. A little morning sickness, but nothing major. Everything looked wonderful on the ultrasounds... that is until we went in for our big 20 week ultrasound.
It seems like a lifetime ago, but here are the blog posts from when I was pregnant with him: My Pregnancy With Carter .
There's more to come tomorrow.
On a current note, we took Carter to his checkup with the Cardiologist and everything looks great! This doc agreed with the Pulmonologist that we could try weaning the little guy down on his O2 during the day. I'd been kind of putting this on the back burner while we concentrate on other things, but am definitely going to start trying him out on a 16th more. He does fine on room air until he gets upset, and then he gets himself into trouble. I used to be in a hurry to get him off of O2, but I've learned that with Carter he'll do it in his own time.
So, there we were. Pregnant with Carter. I seriously think that I held my breath for those first three months. It seemed as though they flew by with the business of having two other kids. I knew he was a boy from the very beginning. There was absolutely no doubt in my mind. The beginning of the pregnancy was very typical. A little morning sickness, but nothing major. Everything looked wonderful on the ultrasounds... that is until we went in for our big 20 week ultrasound.
It seems like a lifetime ago, but here are the blog posts from when I was pregnant with him: My Pregnancy With Carter .
There's more to come tomorrow.
On a current note, we took Carter to his checkup with the Cardiologist and everything looks great! This doc agreed with the Pulmonologist that we could try weaning the little guy down on his O2 during the day. I'd been kind of putting this on the back burner while we concentrate on other things, but am definitely going to start trying him out on a 16th more. He does fine on room air until he gets upset, and then he gets himself into trouble. I used to be in a hurry to get him off of O2, but I've learned that with Carter he'll do it in his own time.
December 29, 2009
My Story
I thought with a new year beginning, it was time to share some of the feelings that I've been having, but in order to get there, I need share my story from the beginning. This may take a few posts.
My whole life I have felt that I was supposed to have 3 kids. I grew up with only one sibling, so I'm not exactly sure where this feeling came from. It was something that I had always planned on. Michael and I got married in 2000 when I was 21 and he was 23. We waited a few years before trying to have any kids. I did get pregnant a few times before we were blessed with our first baby boy Mikey in 2003. Those first pregnancies ended in miscarriage during the early weeks. Mikey was a handful to say the least. He still is! As any parent knows I felt an enormous love for him from the minute he was born. I got pregnant again when Mikey was 9 months old. That pregnancy was a complete shock, but we were up for the challenge. Unfortunately, we lost that baby too. I remember being thankful to God for at least giving me one child. After that loss, we weren't sure that we would try again. The miscarriages were very hard on us, and we were starting to get the mindset that it was OK if Mikey was an only child. Not too long after that, I was pregnant once again. As fast as that pregnancy came, it was taken away. After a little time, we decided to try one more time. If this pregnancy didn't work out, then we were not going to put ourselves through it any more and we would possibly look into adoption later (I'm actually adopted, so that prospect was a little exciting to me).
We were soon blessed with our baby girl, Jovie in 2006. She was a very sweet balance to Mikey and definitely made our family feel complete for a time. After about a year, I felt that pull to have a third child again. I became pregnant quite shockingly. At that time we knew there was a chance that we may lose the baby, but still made plans to prepare for it. We began the process of selling our house to move into something a little bigger. A few days before signing the papers to begin the building of our new home we lost our baby. We were crushed. I knew that I was prone to miscarriage, but it still hit me very hard. We found out a couple of weeks later that the pregnancy had actually been a Molar Pregnancy . Basically, the placenta had formed into an abnormal mass of cysts rather than becoming a viable pregnancy. This meant that I had to be closely monitored by my doctor by having blood drawn every six weeks for six months. If any of those tests came back abnormal, then I was going to have to do rounds of Chemotherapy. That was a very scary time, but we made it through it. It's weird, but I hardly remember the trips to the doctors office, or the testing. Maybe it's because our life was chaotic at the time with the building of our house. Because of the Molar Pregnancy, we could not get pregnant for one year. I thought for sure that we were absolutely done having kids. Obviously we were meant to have two. I had come to accept it and had started to move on. We were now living in our new home, and things just felt right. Although, I must admit that I still had that pull. Michael and I decided that we would try ONE more time. If this baby didn't make it, then we were absolutely done. It's a good thing that we decided to try that one more time because that baby did make it. I was pregnant with Carter.
My whole life I have felt that I was supposed to have 3 kids. I grew up with only one sibling, so I'm not exactly sure where this feeling came from. It was something that I had always planned on. Michael and I got married in 2000 when I was 21 and he was 23. We waited a few years before trying to have any kids. I did get pregnant a few times before we were blessed with our first baby boy Mikey in 2003. Those first pregnancies ended in miscarriage during the early weeks. Mikey was a handful to say the least. He still is! As any parent knows I felt an enormous love for him from the minute he was born. I got pregnant again when Mikey was 9 months old. That pregnancy was a complete shock, but we were up for the challenge. Unfortunately, we lost that baby too. I remember being thankful to God for at least giving me one child. After that loss, we weren't sure that we would try again. The miscarriages were very hard on us, and we were starting to get the mindset that it was OK if Mikey was an only child. Not too long after that, I was pregnant once again. As fast as that pregnancy came, it was taken away. After a little time, we decided to try one more time. If this pregnancy didn't work out, then we were not going to put ourselves through it any more and we would possibly look into adoption later (I'm actually adopted, so that prospect was a little exciting to me).
We were soon blessed with our baby girl, Jovie in 2006. She was a very sweet balance to Mikey and definitely made our family feel complete for a time. After about a year, I felt that pull to have a third child again. I became pregnant quite shockingly. At that time we knew there was a chance that we may lose the baby, but still made plans to prepare for it. We began the process of selling our house to move into something a little bigger. A few days before signing the papers to begin the building of our new home we lost our baby. We were crushed. I knew that I was prone to miscarriage, but it still hit me very hard. We found out a couple of weeks later that the pregnancy had actually been a Molar Pregnancy . Basically, the placenta had formed into an abnormal mass of cysts rather than becoming a viable pregnancy. This meant that I had to be closely monitored by my doctor by having blood drawn every six weeks for six months. If any of those tests came back abnormal, then I was going to have to do rounds of Chemotherapy. That was a very scary time, but we made it through it. It's weird, but I hardly remember the trips to the doctors office, or the testing. Maybe it's because our life was chaotic at the time with the building of our house. Because of the Molar Pregnancy, we could not get pregnant for one year. I thought for sure that we were absolutely done having kids. Obviously we were meant to have two. I had come to accept it and had started to move on. We were now living in our new home, and things just felt right. Although, I must admit that I still had that pull. Michael and I decided that we would try ONE more time. If this baby didn't make it, then we were absolutely done. It's a good thing that we decided to try that one more time because that baby did make it. I was pregnant with Carter.
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