March 7, 2011

Keep On Keepin' On

Dear Carter,

I guess that the title of this post was really no surprise. Ever since Daddy said these words when you were only a couple of weeks old, they somehow became our motto for you.

We are still keepin' on. Trying to keep on without you and live this life the best we can. The hard part is that there really is no handbook for how to live your life after losing a child. It's a different process for everyone who goes through it. There have been a few fellow bloggers who have lost their children over the last couple of weeks, and I can see such a huge difference in the ways that each mommy grieves. I can understand what most of them are feeling and remember what it was like to be in those places, and then I read blogs from people who have lost children before me to see what it might be like later. There seems to be one consistent pattern.

We are all afraid that our little angels will someday be forgotten.

Your brother and sister are so young. I find myself trying to do things to keep the memory of you fresh. This is a delicate balance because I don't want Mikey and Jovie's whole life to be about you, BUT I definitely want you to be big part of it. Even outside of our circle, you were an important part of this world. I don't want anybody to forget it. This is why we continue to do 5K runs and fundraisers in your name. We have to find any way that we can to keep your memory alive. In your short life, I know that you made an impression...I hear it from people all of the time. You changed people's lives baby boy, and I believe all of them for the better. You were an amazing gift to all of us. The really incredible part is that even though you have left this world, you have managed to keep on keepin' on.

And we will too.

1 comment:

Kristin said...

I lost an infant brother when I was 5 yrs old. I don't think anything special needs to be done to keep the memories alive. I'm 40 now, and think about my baby brother (who only lived 4 months) all the time. It doesn't hurt and I don't feel sad when I think about him. As an adult, I wonder how my parents ever got through it. I wonder what he would have grown up to become. Your other kiddos seem so young. But trust me, they'll never forget. They'll always have a special place in their heart for their little brother, Carter!
Just my 2 cents...
Love your blog :)