January 21, 2013

End Up Here?

Dear Carter,

When I was a kid, I used to play in this Watermelon field that was right down the street from my house.  We used to have all kinds of fun in that field. We would pretend that we were on a Safari in the jungle, or hunting wild animals (snipe hunt anyone?). That field was the home of many adventures, and oddly enough, that field is where I am sitting right now.  In your room.

Who knew that I would end up here?  Wouldn't it be interesting to go back in time and tell myself, "hey, your house is going to be right there when you grow up".  It kind of already baffles my mind, and I'm the one who has followed the steps to get here.  There are so many other instances in my life when I have these kinds of thoughts.

Your brother and sister's school?  Well, that is actually where I went to school.  Right now I teach technology there with a couple of people who worked at that school when I was a student.  What do you think it would be like if I could go back in time and tell myself, "those people right over there will be your co-workers someday".  It's kind of a crazy idea to think about isn't it?

What about a couple of years before your Daddy and I started dating.  We both worked at McDonald's together, and were at complete opposite ends of the social spectrum.  Your Daddy was more of the "Prep", and I was more of the "Bad Girl Rocker Chick".  If you would have told me that I was going to one day marry Mike, I would have told you that you were crazy (and I'm sure he probably would have thought the same thing).

Now, if you would have told me five years ago that I was going to be given the hardest job in the entire world, I would have wondered what you are talking about.  Yet, here I am being the parent to a child in Heaven. Truth is, it definitely is the hardest job in the world, but I wouldn't change anything because in order to have this job, I had to be your Mommy.  Now that's something to be proud of.

I wonder what I'll want to tell myself five years from now.

1 comment:

Halima A said...

I have never been on your blog before and this might be a little strange considering I don't really know you.
But you are incredibly strong and Carter is looking down on you and smiling because he knows that an amazing woman gave birth to him. I love what you're doing with this blog but if it ever gets too hard to talk about him because he's not here, don't feel obligated to continue this blog. Sometimes its best to keep it inside.
I wish you the best.