January 4, 2013

Techno Freaks!

Dear Carter Jay,

I'm cracking up over this picture I took at dinner time today.  Do you think our family likes technology a bit much??  Trust me when I say that this is not allowed at every dinner, but sometimes we all just need a break from each other so we can eat in peace.  Could those two be any more alike?!

I often wonder what kind of milestones you would have reached if you were still here with us.  Would you benefit from the use of an iPad?  While you were here, they were just barely becoming accessible and now it seems that most everyone has one.  What about later in life?  Will they develop a new way to fix a damaged trachea?  What kind of life would you have lived had you been born in a different time?  You certainly wouldn't have been with us as long as you were if you were born a century ago.

These are the kinds of questions that go through a grieving mommy's brain.  All of the "what ifs" and "how comes". I let myself go there sometimes because it gives me the opportunity to make up a better outcome for you (not better for you because I know that you are completely healed now, but maybe a better outcome for us?).  Sometimes it hurts a little too much to think of all of the "what ifs" and I have to distract myself with something else, but they are always ALWAYS there. If even just a whisper.

No comments: